HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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