its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
