Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
