Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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