Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Found your dick twin last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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