If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
