i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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