Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
