in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
