Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
