i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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