Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
