There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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