Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
