She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
