I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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