I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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