The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
