I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
