you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
