I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
