I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize