Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
