I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
