I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
