Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
