3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
They are going to name an STD after you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
