he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
