Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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