12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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