Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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