carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Randomize
