I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
