I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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