Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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