Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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