Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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