Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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