This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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