my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
