Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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