How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
