I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
