Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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