i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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