I think my vagina is haunted
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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