so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
