I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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