he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
