I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
