at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
