Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
