Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
